Happy Husband Happy Bond: His “Me” Time

Image from missionalman

Two months and counting in our married life and I can say in that span of time, I am definitely learning a lot not only in terms of marriage but also with my spouse. I know we are still beginning the journey and there are still a lot to learn. Yet I am not complaining. In fact, I am enjoying it.

The idea of marriage is putting two individuals and becoming one. Might as well cue here the Spice Girls song 2 become 1. I need some love like I've never needed love before  (wanna make love to ya baby) I had a little love, now I'm back for more (wanna make love to ya baby). Set your spirit free~ Ok just the spirit not the spouse!

You and your partner will be living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, eating in the same table and repeat process. You do things together including your free time. While that is not a bad idea to begin with however it is also important that you get some spare time.

Yet you might ask, we have jobs in the first place. We spend eight hours a day apart because he got a job and I got my job. Will that fall in the “me” time?
Yes of course. However, it would also be best to find time for yourself in a relationship.

This is not being selfish and this is not being rude to your partner. As a matter of fact, being able to be with yourself and focusing one’s attention can help reinvigorate yourself hence improving the marriage.

After all, we are two different individuals in the first place. We are still two different persons. And as such we must be able to satisfy that somehow even in the context of marriage.

As a wife, I am really keen in my husband’s me time. He works at home and as much as I want to provide him with his own man cave, the house is still small for that. Which is why, for most hours of his work he occupies the bedroom where his computer is.

Aside from that, I also give him time to pursue the things he wants. He is into board games and Magic The Gathering cards. Good thing he is not spending much on these but I allow him to play in tournaments and play with his friends; with or without me. He usually spends three hours per tournament which I don’t mind at all. Not to worry, this doesn’t happen every day. Should I be free, I also get to watch him.

Of course, he also does the same for me.

According to Julia Cameron’s book, “The Artist’s Way (Tarcher, 1992), encourages everyone, not just professional artists, to spend a block of about two hours a week of quality time alone in a self-nurturing activity. Doing so creates a climate for accepting one’s true, uncensored thoughts and feelings, which emerge spontaneously in the right settings. In such places ideas emerge for creative ways to address challenges a person may be experiencing, in any aspect of life, including in marriage”.

You might ask then, I have kids and I am busy. I can’t seem to find time for myself. While I am still not in that state the key here is to schedule. I know you might feel guilt leaving your kids and your husband around while you will have your “me” time. Perhaps the best way to get that started would be to schedule it even once a week. Then encourage your partner to do the same. When you are having your “me” time, he can take care of the kids and vice versa.

Once in a while, it would be best to disconnect and recharge. Allow enough time to connect with yourself and take care of yourself. When you create enough “me” time for you and your spouse, you will always look forward to your “we” time. You will even have more things to discover and talk about. Not to mention, the feeling of fulfillment for yourself that will exude in your relationship.

P.S To those doing the 52 Week Money Challenge, it is Week 20 already! Did you deposit the next amount yet?

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